Thursday, March 5, 2015

Still processing. Aka hot mess.

There I was standing in the middle of the Gap outlet crying uncontrollably.....

We aren't just talking a little whimper here a tear there. I mean a full on breathing heavy sobfest repeating "please get it together" in my head "thank God no one is in this store because it's a Tuesday type of cry."  Got the tears going up on a Tuesdayyy......real mature Rachel. 

So anyways I stumbled around like a zombie not able to look at or purchase anything for at least thirty minutes. Even the extra 60% off clearance couldn't help me snap back from my spiral downfall of the emotional wreck I was in.  

Choo choo. All aboard the hot mess train. 

So I shuffled out the door hiding behind my husband with my head down just in case they thought he was beating me and needed to intervene. 

I sat in the truck as my husband went into Nike and I tried to pull my shit together.  

It worked a little. We headed into the Carters outlet with a gift card from my beautiful friend Chelsea that she gave us at Christmas. 

In my head. (( stadium..wait that's for dudes. Puppies. Cute little fluffy golden retriever puppies bouncing around with their puppy stinky but love for puppy breathe. Max was such a cute puppy. Oh no no no noo. Baseball and bats and home runs. Ok this is working)) We entered the store. 

Where do I even begin. The bathroom of course. These babies are still laying low and sideways stacked on top of eachother so the bathroom is my best friend still these days. 

Side note. At my ultrasound today Twin A was punching or caressing Twin B's face. They were laying face to face and I'd go with punching most likely. They are very crammed and it's like survival of the fittest I'm sure in here for them. Ok carry on. 

I exited the bathroom. and we begin looking in the boy section. This store was also dead. Thank you baby Jesus. Just in case I decided to become "that" pregnant lady who just crys and pees all the time.

There was an employee adjusting the clearance rack listening to me tell my husband how overwhelming this was. 

"Can I help you find something," she said. 

Tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes I slipped out a "No thank you, there is just a lot of baby clothes in here(no shit Rachel...hello it's a baby clothing store) I mean it's hard to find something together." 

I think she was confused by my response. She rattled off the sales and said. "Well all the boys clothes are on this side and all of the girls are on that half". ((Thank you for that information the pink and blue didn't give it away for me, but really its my fault for being such a nutcase and not explaining myself)).


"Which one are you having?"

Insert apparent tears. 

"Both," as I immediately apologized for being a freak and crying. ((Say something before she thinks you are upset you are having twins dumbass)).  "We are so happy and excited and obviously overwhelmed. We just found out. Today."
((Good recovery))

"Ohhhhh. Wow. Well congrats."

I knew there wasn't a twin section after that response. And she pretty much was like good luck with that. And it made me laugh. My husband walks over with an outfit making me laugh more and proceeds to look at the clearance rack not thinking about the babies ages for next winter picking out something summery. Again I laugh and give him the rundown on sizes. 

No more crying. I think it has passed. I am more drained and zombie stoned like as I shuffle over to the girls side. Trying to find matching outfits while standing on one side of the store is more complicated than solving a rubiks cube without peeling off the stickers and putting them where you want. There is literally thousands of choices of the cutest baby crap it makes it even harder to decide. I grab something coral for a girl because teal and coral are my jamberry sauce. And my husband spots something in a similar color for a boy. 

Score. Let's get out of here before psycho sister Rachel comes back and ruins a rack of clothes with tears. 

To say all day I was still processing the blessing of first of all having twins. No matter what the sexes I would have been happy and cried. But to find out we were having boy girl twins was more than this infertile momma could handle. Is this real life? I'm still struggling to manage the emotional thoughts of actually being pregnant everyday and now God has blessed us with a boy and a girl. Water works city yall. 

I am forever grateful and everything I went through over the years is fading into background noise. I wasn't sure if it would as I've said before but these babies are filling a crater sized hole that's been waiting on them forever and they aren't even here yet. Excuse me while I go buy stock in Kleenex...and Pampers. 

In the meantime we moved into a new house. Yay no more three story letting your dogs out in the middle of the night to pee or carrying laundry up two flights of a two bedroom cramped townhouse. 

Pictures to come soon of my projects on the new house. We literally were up until 3am painting a hutch with my hot husband(muscles and you chalk paint and sand furniture with me) this week is amazing. 

Besides this. Find a perfect mismatched paint for $3.00 dollars. Let it roll out of your cart for free. Hopefully we do better with the twins.

I found another mismatched paint in another exact color I wanted so it made up for it. And thankfully I was wearing my AE $20 dollar boots not my $160 Uggs two Marine friends of ours bought me. Who pays that much for shoes anyways. Crazy. And I'm rambling.....but here's the before and after $40 dollar hutch. Get your wow face on girls.

I also have nursery furniture refurbishing going on. Just typing nursery is surreal. I'm sorry if it offends you or hurts your feelings. I definitely will focus on blogging about DIY projects and not how huge I am getting or what it's like being pregnant. Ain't nobody got time for that. I cherish each day no matter how hard it is compared to what should be an easy trimester from every other person but the babes are making me earn my pregnancy for sure.  I still thank my lucky stars and get on my knees for the gift(S) I've been given knowing friends I've met online and in real life are still waiting or hitting a current road block in infertility. My heart hurts not being able to do anything to help but just sit here and be all pregnant and talk about nurseries and twins. It really does. 

But until next time ladies. Thanks for the love and support you always give.