Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Live And Let Live

Lets clear the air post.  I feel like this post has been a long time coming.  This is the last post I want to write but I need to get some things off my chest ovaries.  So while I am Candy Crushing(have been stuck on level 65 for weeks now..send me a life stat!)) my way through another two week wait.  Lets get some things straight.

Infertility in my book will and never will be a RACE.  We are all big fat losers in the world of empty wombs.  I will actually take the grand prize of nothing at being the biggest last place loser if it makes anyone else feel better.

There is no prize to be won. There is no Fertility Doctor handing out free babies to the first to complete five years of struggle or four IVFs.  If there is let me know...Kidding...Sort of.  

There will always be another person that has done more procedures, suffered more miscarriages spent more money and waited years longer than me.

Does any of that make me or anyone else feel less heartbroken while they are still waiting on their miracle. Quite simply a big fat NO would be what I would hope to hear from most of you.  A giant hell NO is what my raging hormones are shouting inside. Petty, competitive, gang up like, dramatic and condescending. Those are not characteristics I would be proud of.  And those are not people I associate with.

Feelings.  Everyone is entitled to their own feelings.  I think many women forget this.  Some infertile women simply are not on the same road as others when it comes to seeing or hearing day to day status updates or 5000 pictures of babies or baby bumps.  I am very thankful that pictures of babies do not bother me. Complaining about your child/baby/pregnancy is what gets me.  You have every right to say what you want but don't be confused when I block or unfollow you.  Baby bumps, well in moderation if I am being 100% honest, can be hard to swallow over and over again, all day, everyday.  Ask me again after this last IUI if I still feel the same.

Infertile baby bumps are a little different to me and do not bother me as much.  This is where we can agree to disagree on IF and Fertile Myrtles.  Why? Well, for one I am still infertile.  So any opinion from someone with said baby or baby bump bears no meaning on my feelings or opinions.  I am still struggling.  I haven't reached the "other side".  I do not know the feeling of a baby inside my changing body or the pleasure of smelling my newborn after a bath.  Simple treasures I have not been blessed with yet.  Also quite frankly because I am entitled to my opinion on my own feelings(see above paragraph).  Do I wish I could "just get over" these feelings.  Hell yes.  Who wouldn't?! But please respect everyone's different feelings.

To me there is a huge difference between someone struggling for years with infertility paying for procedure after procedure.  Going through failed cycle after failed cycle, shot full of medications for years, begging, pleading, praying for her time to come. Verses some crack head getting knocked up for the 4th time. To me it is very different.  It does hurt. Tremendously.  How many crack heads do I know? Maybe a few.  But I was being facetious.  The constant "mom puts baby in trash can" news on my FB feed happens one time too many for this barren lady.  Today was "man sits on babies head to shut him up." That broke the camels back. Making a new FB today to get rid of the constant, complaining statuses of how much a "pain" it is to be pregnant or be blessed with 2+kids and have no sleep.  So sorry about your horrible life and God given miracles.  No pun intended but....

I do not know if the people that are on my Facebook or request to follow me on IG(instagram) even read my profile info or click on the link to my blog.  The biggest reason I made my IG strictly private and for TTC Infertility girls is to have a place to vent and gain strength from positive people just knowing I am not alone. So let me apologize if you didn't watch my YT videos about why I may have made you unfollow me. Nothing against you personally but that is my only private IF/TTC outlet.  I still love you.  Once I climb this mountain and reach the other side even though I will never forget the struggle I am going through, I will most likely be able to add you without feeling hurt or guarded.  But for now, this is my decision.  Please respect that. I say this with a heavy heart and mean no hurt by it.

As far as unfollowing and blocking and unblocking someone(to make them unfollow you) goes, live and let live people.  If someone wants to unfollow you just let them do so.  If someone wants to post 300 pictures of their cats taking a crap in the litter box and you are deathly afraid of cats.  Not so much litter.  Unfollow them.  And please if you are the cat crapping culprit don't get your panties in a wad or be upset about it. Mostly don't email, text, or tag them saying how they are "wrong" for feeling a certain way or wanting to unfollow you.  Including making very rude comments as to why you are unfollowing them.  Just unfollow them and move on.  Besides I wouldn't want someone following me that doesn't want or like seeing anything I post.  Unfollow me please.  And no I will not be a petty idiot and tag you for "unfollowing" me.  I have bigger things to worry about like my husband coming home alive or in one piece than who doesn't like my picture of Barry licking his one ball. Don't bring it up he is sensitive about it.  This isn't life or death. Orrr isss it??  

 So either....

A) Realize that they don't have anything in common/were previously unannoyed with you because your photos were private and adding you was the only way to figure that out.

B) I would rather have 30 real, honest, caring followers who truly want to see my posts vs. 800 fake and phony followers who just are trying to gain "likes".

C) I can't believe I am writing this post to tell people to calm their tits and just let people do what they want.

If Instagram shuts down tomorrow we would all keep on living.  I have joked in the past of how traumatic it would be.  But lets be honest.  You are not going to die.  The people and connections I have made will always be there and I already have their numbers and emails.  So no worries on that one.  Life would just go on. Still infertile. Instagram or no Instagram. 600 followers or 30.  I am still infertile. Please respect each and everyone's feelings, pains and struggles past or present and just move on.

Barry would like to add that its one really big ball.....


  1. Well said!! This is a subject I think a lot of us have been talking about/thinking about and I commend you on discussing it!!

  2. This is awesome, it makes me happy to know that someone else is on the same playing field as I am when it comes to venting and being honest. You are entitled to every ounce of these emotions, thanks for not sugarcoating it :)
    Thinking of you on this 2ww, I'm in the same boat!

    1. Thank you for your support! And good luck to you as well! xoxox

  3. I love all your posts but this one is prob my absolute favorite! I love how positive you are through everything you've been through but are always there for everyone else! Rachel you truly are an amazing person, and anyone that knows you is lucky to have you in their lives!

    1. Your too sweet! And thank you! I feel the same about you as well! xoxo

  4. I found you through YouTube. My husband and I are just now seeking medical attention for trying to conceive for 2+ years. He is also a Marine, so its nice to be following someone who is going through the same personal struggles as me. :) You are so positive and thank you for sharing your story. :)

    1. Your so very welcome..I am glad you made a connections..anytime you have questions just ask, whether its Tricare related or just TTC I can help however I can! Good luck with finding your RE!

  5. Love love this post very real true feelings here!!!

  6. I found though you through a mutual friend, I love your posts and I am cheering for you every step of the way.