Friday, May 31, 2013

Confessions Of An Infertile Yard Saleoholic

I made this little meme on my iPad awhile back and right now I am at around 7 or 8 DPO just so you know how I am feeling.  Next week cannot come soon enough. Understatement.
Lets just begin by saying I need help.  I am already aware of that.  So go ahead and let me get that out of the way before you start judging my uncontrollable behavior when I land myself at a used gold mine of all things baby.  We are not talking your local smelly, stained, my kids not wearing that thrift store find.  I am talking brand new, never worn, adorable, brand name less than one dollar for each piece gold mine treasure trove.  "Dolla make me holla Honey Boo Boo child".....or stab someone if they reach for something I saw first.  I will claim insanity: deployments, infertility, baby clothes; I think it's safe to to say I got that one in the bag.  It has never happened because I always arrive first but I am prepared for when the time comes to take someone out.  I can tell you that I am a well prepared yard saler because I have an app that maps out and lists the ones that have exactly what I am looking for.  Lets just say I get there first((winking, with a smirk of victory across my face)). Oh and I might add that I am pretty fast in my awesome new running shoes that I finally splurged on yesterday. Loveeeee themmmm!  I did a mile almost died running up the road from the house and my feet and shins have no complaints.  My thighs would beg to differ today, even just sitting down to pee is an accomplishment.  I am no longer letting this weight(literally and metaphorically) of infertility keep me from pushing myself in fear of it keeping me from conceiving.

Asic gel-noosa Tri-8s for those that are in the market...they glow in the dark people, enough said.
I have always loved a good yard sale.  Even before I began looking at hoards of baby crap.  An antique dresser, an old mirror or anything that I could find for practically nothing and then slap on some paint and repurpose.  It is one of my favorite happy places.  Gardening and repurposing.  That puts a smile in my heart thinking about the two in the same sentence.  My grandmother(moms side) was an avid yard saler.  So was my mom and aunts, so I guess that's where I get it from.  When I was younger, under 12 years old,  I loved going with them to yard sales.  Then when I became a hateful and spoiled teenager I thought they were embarrassing.  Oh, the pitiful teenage drama of one of your friends catching you at a yard sale buying anything used.  I would have thought someone was insane if they told me in ten years I would stop on a dime, breaks smoking, whiplash action just to bust a u-turn in the middle of the road so I wouldn't pass a gold mine of treasures.  Granted a lot of times I walk away feeling heartbroken without anything to show except a sore neck but you have to remember I am in the business of taking chances in my life constantly. You must think it is crazy for someone like me to even be at a yard sale buying baby things.  I have thought of three main reasons justifications for this answer to myself. 

1) I am thrifty cheap and paying to just "try" to have a child month after month is enough expense alone. I want my baby to be blessed and not go without things just because mommy's private parts were broken and the doctor had to help out.  Sorry baby, you must sleep on Max's dog bed tonight.

2) Someone is always popping out a kid in our family like Michelle Duggar in her 20's.  Sharing is caring.

3) I like to be prepared. I have had five years to wait so far and why wait to start buying until I have a baby. One way or another kidnapping, I will have a baby.  Being a military wife you give up a huge amount of control over things and then add infertility.  So I like to drive the baby buying bus for now and be prepared. Sue me.

With all that said, today was a great treasure day.  When your looking for yard sales you have to know your area and go early.  Those are two key things when you want to get the good stuff before it is gone.   My yard sale app showed a multi-family(another key word to look for) sale in a fancy neighborhood with mostly baby things.  It is a Friday and most yard sales are on Saturdays so I knew A)They would have a lot of stuff today and no one would really be there to stab and B)The neighborhood was super nice more of the upper class of that area.  I could not have been more correct with my professional yard sale skills assumption.  If I was playing a slot machine at a casino it would have read triple 7s.

No, the storage bin came from WM, I wish I didn't have to pay 15 bucks for plastic. That's like 15 outfits! I only paid .50 cents per onesie, 1.00 per outfit/sleeper/shorts/pants and 2 bucks for the blankets.


Now this is where it gets tricky when it comes to the adrenaline rush of a good deal and borderline hoarding.  You really do not need 50 pink onesies or 3 baby swings.  No matter how much your brain tries to convince you that you need both of them, one for each of your mothers houses.  No, Rachel put down the two baby swings and walk away.  And .50 cents for brand new, adorable onesies are really great to have but please be realistic and think about not buying 50 of all of them in the same size.  But if its twins..............or disclaimer**

**Disclaimer: Exclusions apply if the yard "seller" just starts giving you stuff because they "just want to get rid of it." No accountability held against you there my friend and if you go back on the last day at the last hour this is when you score big(insider trick) Your welcome. Or if you hold a baby blanket to your face and squeeze out a tear and whisper how you wish you could have a baby one day. That could do the trick or make you look like a freak.  Your call.

Yes people, its never too late to start an OCD collection of baby items. Even when you're not pregnant.
I not only hit up a gold star yard sell today but also the NY sirloin of consignment shops. This place, Once Upon A Child, is immaculate and organized as if I worked there myself.  I stick with the clearance stuff to make the prices almost as good as yard sales so for  $1.75 per outfit I am not complaining. Everything is new condition and very adorable.  A baby hoarders paradise we can say.  I swear I heard angels sing when I walked in for the first time.  Granted the unfit mothers screaming at their two year olds while trying to soothe a baby all while complaining about being a mother is the price one must pay to save a buck.  Besides we get that at our local Target anyways.  Don't say you weren't warned though.
This(sleeper isle) is literally just one of the ten isles on the girls side. All by size and category. Win.

This is what these guys were up too while momma went AWOL while cleaning out and then filling the spare closet with her new treasures.  New bones to keep them Barry busy.
I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend.  This girl is headed to Myrtle Beach until Monday night to visit family and kick the rest of this 2ww's bootay'.  And if you're an IF warrior out yard sell shopping or hitting up the sales at the mall don't be ashamed and remember my three justifications above.  Lets just keep the hoarding to a minimum.  You need room for the baby too! xoxo

Monday, May 27, 2013

Memorial Day and Humble Pie

If you look up the words Memorial Day online at Wikipedia you will find the definition as follows:

Yes, I may have added a nice fitting background to the definition for the purpose of inserting a picture. But lets not confuse Veterans Day with Memorial Day peeps.  This day is reserved to remember those that paid the ultimate sacrifice with their lives so you can enjoy life as a free citizen and to keep the wars far away from home.  Regardless if you are against the wars prior and present, today is a day about remembrance and paying respect to the brave men and woman who sacrificed their lives for you to be able to have a right to that opinion.  It is not asking much. Just one day to honor those braver than ourselves who paid the ultimate sacrifice.

What Memorial day isn't about.  This isn't about my husband who we know is currently serving. I am very proud of him. Understatement.  Your talking about the girl who started #militarymonday instead of #mancrushmonday on IG.  But today isn't about him.  He is alive and will be home this fall and I am thankful for that.  Just as my brother-in-law E is alive and well and he is a welder. Thank you E for all those awesome railing jobs!!! Woo hoo, go welders! 

What bothers me is from what I have seen today and on holidays like this during my entire life, is that some military wives are so entitled and they "wear" there husbands military career like a badge around their necks. I am tired of being faulted and categorized with these group of sympathy, put me on a pedestal junkies.  I just think some women need to have a slice of humble pie and just because your husband is serving in the military doesn't make you a better person or shouldn't warrant a pity party.  You should be proud of who you are and your own life accomplishments and not try to gain reflections of your spouses military career as who you are. 

Oh boy, the feathers are ruffled for sure on this one.  I am not saying it doesn't take a special person to "man" the home front, be alone for years including faithfully(what is so hard about keeping your legs closed, really never understood that one), bending till you almost break with decisions out of your control, moving, selling/buying a house, unknown everything, deployments constantly changing, and of course hurry up and wait all over and over again.  These are all things you should be proud of.  I mean you did marry your spouse for "better or worse," or did you leave that part out of your vows?

Humble pie people. That's all I am saying.  I myself had to take a step back and eat a slice. I had put on my Instagram info(no one really looks at but still) "4th deployment/ IUI #1". Yes my profile is private not public and I am not out requesting people left and right looking for more followers to make me feel good about myself and my husband being a Marine, it is my TTC outlet.  With that said, I only wanted my TTC followers to understand that I was doing the IUIs alone and with frozen sperm hence putting that as my info.  I think however after seeing that over and over it annoyed me, like I was trying to put myself on a heroic pedestal.  So I quietly took it down.  There is a pretty clear line between having pride and going around being entitled.  Lets just try to steer clear of the latter.  I have a deep military, family background and now also a spouse so to say I am proud to be an American and love our military is again an understatement.

Ok my shortened lesson is done for the day.  Yes, I have a substantial amount of writing I could do on this topic, but let me try to keep it classy and end here on such a special day.

So how did I spend my Memorial Day weekend so thankfully?? Lets just say I scored a great deal on a swimming pool that I have been wanting since last summer.  Something easy to install, alone, as I am a little human being.  My husband has always called me Polly Pocket(original IG name) so I needed a pool that I could actually put together alone.  Here is me with my awesome deal! They added an additional 15% off for opening a credit card. Hooray for good credit. So with tax I ended up paying around 210.
Yes 130lbs. I am 5' 2" on a good day and can now say with all the fertility bloating inducing drugs I weigh around 112lbs on a skinny day.  Only a guess though, I haven't been on a scale in 10 months. Besides the point. This was hilarious trying to pull out of my car.  It felt like I was pulling a baby hippo out of a water hose.  I successfully manged to flip flop it to the center of the ground cover and spent a few hours hooking up the filter.  All in all I would say it was "easy" to put together. If you have someone with any muscles then very easy. It is filling up as we speak.  For the record I had no clue it was going to be as massive as it is.  I was thinking 18 feet around not 18x18 feet across.  Whoops my bad sore muscles and back.  More room for my hopefully baby bump and my nephew is going to be super excited.

Oh yea, not reading all of these. Hopefully it doesn't fall apart in a week. I watched the little DVD they sent and used common sense.  Cross your fingers my yard doesn't get an extra watering this week via 5400 gallons.
This is my main squeeze, my chubby bubby, my nephew who keeps me busy during deployments over summers and holidays. Can't wait to pick him up soon and have some fun again.
Hope everyone has had a great Memorial Day and is thankful for those that made that happen, I know I am all the time.  Until next time kids. xoxoxo

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Music Is Therapy For The Soul Part 2

I apologize for those of you that were waiting in anticipation yesterday for me to post my happy little upbeat playlist.  I had a long day at work coupled with some cramping from my IUI and lets just say this party pooper was in bed early. I hope I can make it up to you.  If not....I expect you to stop paying me next week.

I hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend being that it is Memorial Day tomorrow.  You thought I would leave that out this weekend? Come on, you know better than that of me.  That's like saying a breast cancer survivor will not wear any pink during the month of October. Not only is my husband actively serving but I grew up an Army brat with a father who served 20+ years along with his five brothers who all served.  Do not dare give any sympathy or credit to me. They are the ones to be thankful for. But yes...that's where she gets her American pride, support our troops character from.  More about Memorial day tomorrow.  Remember this picture below when your enjoying your time off work, being with family or friends, doing nothing at all; just simply being free to do anything you please.  Just be thankful tomorrow with whatever it is you are doing even if it is absolutely nothing.  The men and women who lost their lives just so you can and keep continuing to do so or not do so.  I am certain this woman below would give anything to trade your day at the beach, park or home to have her hero back in her arms.

Hope that wasn't too motivational for you. Too bad if it was, the X at the top right corner of your screen is where you can see yourself out.  YES. Out of the country would be a nice gesture.  Good luck with that. 
Now lets get this party started with some inspiring, upbeat less sad more happy songs.  I am not going to describe them this time. All you get is a the artist, title and one random video with my whole playlist at the end of this post, in no particular order.  Fancy right? Agreed.  I was busy trying to install a monster sized swimming pool today(alone) and lets just say tomorrow is a new day.  Note to self: 18 feet is bigger than I think. Idiot. 
It is 1am now and this little birdie likes to catch the worm finish the pool early tomorrow.  You can scroll through the last video to see the rest or visit my YT channel(link is on homepage). Please add ones you would like to share with others and myself in the comments below. Enjoy your day tomorrow! It is suppose to be a gorgeous 80 and sunny here in the Carolinas. Happy Memorial Day and let us never forget!
Addison Road, Hope Now
Alicia Keys, New Day
Alicia Keys, Superwoman
Destinys Child, Survivor
Christinia Aguilera, Fighter
Kelly Clarkson, Stronger
Demi Lovato, Skyscraper
Jordin Sparks, One Step At A Time
Miley Cyrus, The Climb
Mariah Carey, Hero
Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston, When You Believe
Brian McKnight, Win
Jason Mraz, I Won't Give Up
Michael Buble, Haven't Met You Yet
The Script, Hall Of Fame
Evanescence, Bring Me To Life
Avril Lavigne, Keep Holding On
Journey, Don't Stop Believing
Bon Jovi, Living On A Prayer
Elton John, Blessed
Tom Petty, Learning To Fly
Tom Petty, Time To Move On
Steve Miller Band, Dance Dance Dance (obvi dancing is therapy for me)
Lady Antebellum, One Day You Will
Rodney Atkins, If Your Going Through Hell
Rascal Flatts, Stand
Garth Brooks, Standing Outside The Fire
Martina Mcbride, Anyway
Carrie Underwood, So Small

Friday, May 24, 2013

Music Is Therapy For The Soul


I know, she is already back with another post and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet. I have been wanting to share a little piece of what gets me through, inspires me and allows me to deal with infertility through the ups and downs.  Music is cheap therapy.  Yes, there are many things that also contribute but the feeling of playing a good relatable song to whatever mood you are in is therapeutic. So without further ado here are the songs on my playlist that I love. Most of them are not about infertility but the lyrics speak to me in some way and I can connect to the song if I direct it towards infertility.  I will add some of the video links but to keep it from uploading to slow I will just add some of the titles and you can copy that into YouTube(my YT link is to the right of my homepage to get my whole playlist or you can just scroll through the last video) if you like.  If you have any that you would like to share please comment them below! Thank you and I hope you can connect to some and enjoy at least one.
Lets start with the downers and end on a high note with the uppers tomorrow. They are not necessarily all negative songs, but they are slow played and the lyrics can be sad depending on your mood or how it relates to your struggle. That is what I mean by downers. I am a Debbie downer song girl for sure. So, enjoy you miserable little fools!
 Sara Haze, "Addiction" ~ This is my one of favorite songs on the playlist because infertility to me can be such an addiction just trying to conceive year after year. We become obsessed to say the least. This song helps me remember not to lose myself through this struggle.

Green day "21 Guns"~ I know weird song right? The lyrics speak to me:

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins...

Superchick, "Beauty from Pain" ~ This song is by a Christian pop/rock band and it lets me feel like even though this journey holds a lot of pain someday there will be beauty at the end of the story.

Avril Lavigne, "Slipped Away" ~ This song is emotional and is relatable to me not only if you have suffered a miscarriage but a loss of any loved one. Crying will be guaranteed. Sorry.

Pink, "Beam me up" ~ Another of my favorites! Another song about loss and wanting to be with that person(unborn child) "even just for a minute" I have managed to not cry now on good days.  I can really belt this one out in the shower in case your wondering.

Francesca Battistelli, "Behind the Scenes: ~ Unlike myself who blogs to the public about my struggle there are millions of women who sit in silence. I was one of those women for many years so this song speaks to my heart so much.
Even though I’ve got the lines rehearsed
A picture only paints a thousand words
Things aren’t always what they seem
You’re only seeing part of me
There’s more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes
I’m incomplete and I’m undone
But I suppose like everyone
There’s so much more that’s going on
Behind the scenes
 Kellie Coffey, "I Would Die For That" ~ This song I think every woman dealing with IF has heard or watched on YouTube but just in case I will add it. It is still a beautiful song and video that I still bawl when watching.

 Coldplay, "Fix You" ~ The words are very meaningful and its such a soothing song with hints of overcoming and being fixed emotional for me it reminds me of my husband always being there.
Nickel Creek, "Jealous of the Moon" ~ I was suggested this beautiful song by another instagram infertility sister who lives on the opposite side of our beloved country. The songs lyrics have such a powerful and deep meaning..for me I think the song is saying the girl is stuck in a rut (infertility) and on the verge of giving up or already given up and moving on from her true dream.  She is too afraid to face her feelings/pride or be let down again and he wants her to just ask for help so they can overcome what is facing her together instead of walking around feeling sad and sorry for herself.
Christinna Perri, "A Thousand Years" ~ Last but certainly not least is another favorite that I will hope to play one day when I finally have my own miracle. I have been playing this song way before Bella and Edward stole it for their wedding (jerks) and it means a lot to me.

Now go get your cry on....tomorrow I will lift you up with some happier tunes. And as always thank you for your love and support!

I wanted to add a few more I forgot the other day, as I am writing this after I made part 2 of this blog:
Colin Hay, Waiting on my real life to begin
Julia Sheer, Heaven knows
Laura Story, Blessings
Stevie Nicks, Landslide
Sara Evans, A little bit stonger

Thursday, May 23, 2013

One Step At A Time!

This was taken yesterday around 4:30 when I got home from work. That morning it was negative. So it's safe to assume that I ovulated last night or I am going to within the next 24 hours. I love seeing that little smiley face. Then again at the end of a BFN 2ww I could knock that dang smiley faces' teeth out. 

Somehow we always find a way to pick up the pieces and gain some new found hope.  A new symptom, a bigger follicle, a well timed cycle, postive OPKs, whatever the reason may be, I always end up creating a bubble of hope. Even if it gets popped month after month, year after year. 

So I am sitting outside my REs office as I just finished getting my vaginal U/S a few moments ago. Oh the perks of technology. To be able to blog on the fly with a double tap of an app on your iPhone. Lets give it up to technology. I think we take it for granted at times. But I am getting off topic. 

So here I am. It just finished pouring the rain and the sun has come out with more lingering dark clouds behind me. Side note: The McDonalds I chose for such a healthy quick lunch is starting to gag me. So I will finish this story inside since the thunder is rolling in now as I type.

Where were we? Yes. My vaginal U/S date. Well. Lets just say, I got to decide whether to pull the plug on this IUI cycle or not. My follicles were not as promising as before. But I will ask Dr. H again when I go in for my IUI what he likes to see. Usually they are between 18-27mm. This time a few were under 10mm, one was 12mm and a giant 30mm! I got the impression that 30mm was too big of a whopper. Again I will ask in about 45 minutes. I had one follicle that had already collapsed(ovulated) from what he said it looks like; probably in the past 4 hours. With that said. He wasn't really sure whether to go ahead and proceed this month with the IUI or wait until next month. I think he was fishing for an answer. 

I told him that if there was a snowballs chance in hell. I would like to be that snowball. Not that I would ever want to go to hell. But that's the only scenario I could convey at the time.

 He chuckled and said "Well that's that, see you an hour!"

I mean who wants to wait ANOTHER month just to ovulate. Not this girl. I would rather pay the money and take the chance that I may have ovulated already or I may not ovulate. We are already just taking "chances" every cycle anyways!

Well my time here is almost up. Hopefully they have the sperm thawed and "washed" and ready to go.  I will continue later. Fingers crossed!!

So now I lay here for 15 minutes  with my lucky socks(thanks Miss Ricci) and hope when I stand up I didn't just waste 400 dollars. & I know you are are loving this play by play insemination! 

So my cervix was "being difficult" of course, this time. It took five minutes to get the catheter tube inserted. Good times. Hopefully, I won't pay for that later in the form of cramping. Of course it will be all worth it if these sperm and eggs do their jobs. 

Time to travel back home. More later.

Finally made it home, quickly changed into the usually sexy sweats and oversized USMC moto t-shirt that I could find that was clean. Or rather that I haven't worn for more than 2 days in a row. Judge away minions.

As I was driving home I had time to question what Dr. H thinks about me and my non filtered mouth.  This is some of the things I laid upon him right before, during and after he was inserting a tube into my motherland.

My cervix was "being difficult" he exclaimed as it took him 5-8 minutes longer than the last time, just to get in the right place. Stupid hag.  This only left me and my big mouth time to make conversation while a man with a PHD and a flashlight was staring down the walls of my cervix.  During this time he was telling me about the sperm and how sometimes they go off course if you will and do not make it to the egg. Maybe this is what happened last time, or maybe not.  If I could have a conversation with the sperm I would sure like to tell them, "YOU HAVE ONE JOB!" This is also when I told him that "they had a free ride on a path that had just been snowplowed(HSG last week) so they needed to get their act together and stop being such bums."

I had to add in that "he should at least buy me dinner next time because this procedure was not the wam-bam-thank-you mam like the last."  I think the nurse was crying at this point from my sarcastic humor. I am here for you nurse D. Here for you.

Dr. H seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed it as well.  When he finished ravaging me getting the sperm to its home, I went on to explain that if this cycle is successful, how awkward it is going to be at my husbands homecoming. I began to tell him the signs I had prepared mentally in my head.

"Welcome home, donor baby daddy!"
"Deployed for 7 months, 5 months pregnant. You do the math!"
"My Dr. knocked me up, what's your excuse?"
"Copperfield has nothing on me!" (huge arrow pointing at belly)

He liked the "Dr." one the best of course. So all I can say is at least I made his day today. He was a busy little bee himself. I think he did 5 IUIs all in the time I was there and an IVF procedure. Lord knows what happened before 11am and after 3pm when I finally left the building.

I also thought on my way home after I spoke with my sister.  I wonder on average how many vaginas he looks at everyday?  I wonder if he thinks "ewww......or thank goodness we got a nice one." I mean seriously, he is a man that is married to a woman so how does he block that out?  I can't even block it out for crying out loud. Neither could my sister apparently. Or maybe we are both from the same freaky gene pool that randomly thinks the weirdest and most awkward things.  Please comment below if you have thought about this just to tickle my fancy.  Probably not a conversation I should bring up to him but then again my batting average for normal conversation and comments are low.

So anyways, here we go again. After asking him a normal question about what he likes to see in follicle size. He said the 30mm was much bigger than he liked to see.  The 12mm was too small to even ovulate yet and he is hoping that the collapsed follicle happened within the past 12 hours.  In hopes that it was still hanging out waiting for the sperm. 

With all that said, I can honestly say this cycle is a toss up.  There were 6 million sperm in that little syringe and we only need one but I think the problem truly lies within my eggs, or lack there of. I can only take a deep breath and be thankful my Dr. left the decision up to me to go ahead and proceed so I am not sitting here waiting another month just to ovulate. Aint' nobody got time for that!

So now begins another two weeks of torture. No testing this time. I swear. I am not buying any more tests and all my cheap internet ones are gone. Final answer. One step at a time folks.


Sunday, May 19, 2013

Busy Little Bee

This was me last week off to see my RE for another face to vagina visit for my anticipated HSG.

For the record, I am not an American badass. Like I stated last post.  More like American crybaby.  I don't know about you but OUCH! The HSG I had done last week was not just a cake walk scenario of dye shot up your private parts. I cried a little alot.  Yes it was only temporary and lasted only minutes but for goodness sakes if I ever have one of those done again I think I might have a panic attack.  Full circle now with the Valium.  I told Dr. H he could chop off my legs and I wouldn't feel it because I was so high from the drugs they gave me.  He laughed but was probably thinking, "she has no idea what is about to happen."  It felt like Dr. H stuck a hot poker up inside me and lit everything on fire, then I had to lay on that cold, hard x-ray table while the "fire" slowly went out.  After the pain subsided, Dr. H comforted and reassured me that my clear right tube and sketchy left tube(which was partially blocked) was nothing to be worried about.  He was confident that we proceeded with another IUI.  I managed to leak out a shaky "ok" and wiped my emotional tears away after feeling violated yet again and waddled to the bathroom.   Lucky for me the technician handed me this enormous, economy pad that could  have soaked up the Mississippi River before I half-nakedly waddled away, trying not to drip blood and dye every where.  I have reached the point where I am no longer embarrassed by my bodily fluids or anyone else seeing them for that matter.  I can't help it that I just had a metal rod scraped up inside me and my tubes flushed out by someone from Roto-Rooter. The only side effect was that I bled for a couple days and it was very light.  I thankfully had no cramping or pain.  So if you are about to undergo an HSG I would like to quote one of my adored, animal loving, hippie at heart movies, We Bought A Zoo, and say.....

Thank goodness its over and done with though.  Those 20-60 seconds were rough.  Goodbye HSG, hello IUI number 2!  I know crazy?! Already moving on to the next one this week.  Thursday to be exact. Unless I get a positive earlier on my OPKs.  This is what happened after I drove the 70 miles home from my appointment.  I stripped down and threw on my bikini and poured a jumbo thermos of frozen, tropical paradise.  Well deserved indeedy.

So enough about the never ending saga of infertility.  Let me tell you how I have been trying to keep sane this week waiting out the next sperm concoction kamikaze my RE will by introducing to my lady parts again.  One would think that if your paying 400 dollars every time that he would at least buy me lunch.  Just think about it. This man not only gets to look at my private parts but he gets to shoot sperm out of a syringe into a tube into my vagina. AND the kicker is I pay him. Hahaha!
I am dying over here just thinking about the concept.  Ok, I know its not just some simple little process that a random stranger could do with a straw and used syringe bought off eBay in a sketchy hotel room. But big picture here people! That's all I'm saying.
or maybeeeeee

I think I always trail off here at the end of my posts and throw in a bunch of pictures to fill up space.  Not going to lie. I am lazy. Plus I woke up at 5am with a terrible kink in my neck and I feel like a special kid trying to hold my head up as I type.  But really I have been taking my leftover pain meds that I didn't even need after my HSG today.  Sorry K$lupe.  It hurts that bad.  I will be making a trip to the Dr.(never been there) tomorrow if it still hurts this bad. I might have done something digging and shoveling in the dirt all week. You know me Bobette over here.  I did manage to get my mower fixed after I changed everything under the sun on the darn thing.  It had water in the gas. Go figure.  So some of my days are spent push mowing the 2 acres of yard we have.  For now its exercise and a time killer during these periods of waiting.

I also purchased a weed trimmer. Talk about a woman on a power trip. I may have taken a tiny, replaceable piece out of our siding but the thing has got some kick to it. My bad bad.
Everything that the light touches is ours Simba....well green in this case...this is just the backyard from both sides...enjoyable while its under 90 degrees but thank goodness for my nephew who is coming this summer.  I should mention that he is like a son to me and is with me in the summers and most holidays.  T will be 12 this year and it makes me feel older yet again.  My little buddy growing up too fast.  I already promised him one of those self inflatable ring pools, that are only around 200 hundred bucks but really I envision my hopefully pregnant, hot, sweaty, self jumping in clothes and all.  The beach is about a 40 minute drive so it will keep us cool on days we stay home.  Randomly we have a tiny little waterpark about 15 minutes from our house so that's where we will split up some of our beach days.

I also managed to tackle the front of the house. Mulching, picking weeds, digging and planting a border around our Live Oak tree as well. I picked up my favorite flowered hanging baskets, Fuchsias, and potted the tree my sister bought me.  One can never have too many American Flags I know what your thinking!

Lastly I decided to buy some real landscape lights from Lowes. You know the kind that runs off electricity that you have to put together without killing yourself or catching your house on fire. Then you must dig a line hole to cover all the wires you have so graciously spread over a 30 foot range.  Forgetting that you have a outside cover and your plug in will not fit properly is only a mishap.  Because you will then go back to Lowes and buy a timer that you can mount, which has a cord that fits properly into the outside outlet. When you are done, then you can coat yourself with bug spray, sit back, listen to the crickets, light a fire and glow in all your electrical, talented glory while humming   R  E  S  P  E  C  T find out what it means to me.....
Let us not forget to thank these hobos for all the help sleep they did while I was out busting my tail.
Till next time kids! Which will probably be sooner than later since I have no life and my IUI appointment isn't until Thursday.  Thank you as always for your love and support whether it is silent or spoken the fact that you took the time to read all of this intrigues me either way.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Expect The Unexpected

If you have read and watched my previous blog/video then I shouldn't have to explain the title of this new post. It was an eventful week to say the least.

It always helps to lift your spirit when you get surprise mail from people who love you. Thanks to my sister for the tree and AC for awesome scarf and earrings. Love you guys!
I made three trips on base to try and obtain a new military ID so I could see my doctor and get a Beta.  A military ID is basically our insurance card and it is the first thing they ask for at our clinic.  My 1172 form(a paper that allows a person to get a new/renew ID without a spouse present) was expired by three days, I went back with my POA and it was also expired.  I live almost an hour from base.  By Wednesday I was unofficially two days late.  Not that I didn't realize what was going to happen eventually would.  I like definite answers and scientific evidence or proof if you will.  I was not going to drive the 70 miles to my clinic only to be turned away because my ID card was expired.  I also would like to mention that my tests Thursday morning were negative.  Nothing.  Not even the faintest line.  I was given the idea by my genius SIL and also my friend "K$Lupe" of going to an Urgent Care office, paying 20 bucks and getting a beta done there without an ID.  Brilliant plan.  Until I started bleeding like Mt. St. Helens on my way there. Not their fault at all. Just my luck.

 This is my life.  Expect the unexpected at all times in any situation. I would like to thank the Army and the Marine Corps for the ability to adapt and overcome at a moments notice. Or better yet my father and husband.  We are suppose to be Semper Gumby. Which means "Always Flexible."

At this point in time all I could do was laugh to keep from crying. I was over the disappointment. The emptiness was already settled in.  Yet, all I could do was laugh.  I think I have gone Britney crazy for real this time.  No I am pretty sure at this point someone should be chasing me down and placing me in a straight jacket.

After throwing away one, out of the hundred pairs of black capri tights I own and putting on some sexy sweats, I immediately called my doctor.  My sweet nurse called me back and I gave her all the information and my request to have more testing done, laparoscopy included before pursuing another IUI.  She told me she would let my RE know and they would call me back Friday with a new plan. I then poured myself an adult beverage and sat outside frying in the sun. Totally healthy.

As of this morning, my husband was finally able(let me mention he works 14 hours a day, 7 days a week for 7 months straight) to walk forever in 90 degree heat to an office where he is deployed,  filled out and emailed me a new POA.  Which in turn let me get my new ID.  I am officially a legal spouse again.  So big thank you to D because I am picking up all my prescriptions tomorrow and I know it wasn't just a simple task to ask of him.   I probably shouldn't mention that I got on base two times with an expired ID.  The sticker on my car was good, so I am sure its not a huge red flag when a little white girl in her pink, chevron striped, scarf and Toyota corolla pulls up to the gate.  For now I would just like to let myself think that I am a badass.  Living on the edge.  Breaking laws one expired ID at a time.   

So this badass got a call back today.  Hysterosalpingogram. A hyster what???  A HSG from here on out.  To sum it up they shoot some fancy dye up into your vagina into your uterus and then it will/should go into your fallopian tubes since they are connected.  They use a fancy camera to take pictures of this whole process to see if your tubes are blocked. If your tubes are blocked then yes you guessed it no egg or sperm will not pass go and will not collect 200 dollars. It can also determine if something may be wrong with your uterine lining preventing the fertilized egg from attaching.

I copied this next part from online about an HSG which can also: find problems in the uterus, such as an abnormal shape or structure, an injury, polyps, fibroids, adhesions, or a foreign object(like what did you slip and fall on your Wii controller while playing Dance Dance Revolution?? Really??  I wish they would have explained that one more in detail) in the uterus. These types of problems may cause painful menstrual periods or repeated miscarriages.

This is happening Wednesday around noon.  I am starting back on my Femera 7.5mg tomorrow and antibiotics for the HSG.  They prescribed me some hard core pain pills Valium and Norco which I was told to take an hour before and then after.  Easy to do if I wasn't driving myself.  After talking to all of my IG ladies that have done this procedure they reassured me that I will be able to drive on my own afterwards.  I will just wait until I am home before I start popping my happy pills.  The pain apparently varies greatly depending on what they find or how gentle the person doing the HSG is.  Some said they were curled up in a ball of pain after and couldn't drive.  I am hoping mine will be smooth sailing done by a person with many years of experience.  Or I am popping those pills as soon as I can pull my pants back on and hoping not to kill anyone on the hour and half drive home.  Kidding.  A little.  If you haven't heard from me in a few weeks assume I hightailed it to Mexico until the news of the hit and run calms down.

But seriously what is a little tube filled with alien dye up your private parts anyways?  I have a huge rib cage tattoo that took hours of needles digging into my skin, like someone was stabbing directly into my bone.  I am sure it is uncomfortable and the cramping is never fun but lets say I got this. Remember me, American badass over here.  Rebel without a cause.

My next IUI is tentatively scheduled a week after that around the 23rd depending on what they find or do not find in my HSG.

Enough about my vagina monologue and more about what today really is about. My five year wedding Anniversary.  This is my third out of the past five spent away from D so for all you creepers wishing to add to your spank bank I am sorry to get your hopes up when I say nothing crazy, romantic, or exciting is going on in the Spurling house tonight. I do however have a life-sized cardboard cut out but that would make for an awkward video.  The chance of my grandmas reading that makes for an even more awkward ending.  To counteract I will end with a few pictures from todays oh so un-awkward day.

This was our Anniversary care package we sent to daddy a few weeks ago.  Meia was lazy and only watched me make it. Little freeloader that she is.

In light of it being our Anniversary I broke out fake daddy the night before but I think Barry really thought it was him. When I woke up he was sleeping on top of him and I started to tear up thinking how sweet it was.  It may have been just coincidence but Barry sleeps at the end of the bed most of the time.  So for now I will just say awwwwwwwwwwww.
Happy 5 years babe. Here is to 70 more!

Finally our hot date. Please excuse my husband he spilled something on his shirt and had to take it off.


Last but not least I shared our anniversary with ironically military spouse day. I am not sure what that means really.  If Tricare would step up and pay for any or all of my infertility bills that would be an appreciation but for now I guess this picture saying happy military spouse day will have to do.