Sunday, August 18, 2013

Laps, IVF, Fall, Oh My!

"Well well well, its about time you made an appearance around here. We were beginning to think you hi-jacked a school bus full of preschoolers and headed for Canada(we all know Mexico isn't a safe bet anymore). "

Even though that sounds like a well thought out plan, I unfortunately cannot for the life of me figure out how to drive a school bus.  Something about all those gears.  So for now, lets stick with this ole' IVF thing. Science I hear has come a long way in the past 20 years so we are going to give it a shot. Literally.
Pun definitely intended.  

I oh so cleverly stole this picture via the world wide whoever you are. Thanks.

So before I jump into all my obnoxious and oh so over the top Fall lovin' glory, as we sit waiting in the middle of August, how about an update on my broken lady parts.

I had my consult with Dr. H last Wednesday and finally got the chance to tickle my IVF fancy of questions. The next step he wants to pursue in baby maker wonderland is a  Laparascopy.  If you click the word it will explain what that means.  Basically in idiot terms it is a surgery that involves some incisions, a tiny camera, repair tools(just in case), and lots of pain pills and bed rest. Totally looking forward to the last part of that sentence.  Whoever brings me home from the Lap and takes care of me while I most likely cry like a three year old being carried out of ToysRus can have whats left of Lindsey Lohans dignity.

Or Heidi Montag's real face. Wherever that might be at......

All I'm saying is I have never in my 32 years of exsitence had any surgery procedure minor or not.  I can not be held responsible for my antics or behavior within that 24 hour time frame. 

Who's coming with me? 

Dr. H is suppose to call this week to let me know what day in September this catastrophic probing will take place.  Catastrophic in that it could be the key to my Pandoras box. hehehe need I say more...smh.  

Ok ok, back over on this side of the line. Enough about boxes more about whats inside them. Again. I am a freak. I....can't....stop.  Hopefully Dr. H finds perhaps what is delaying the process of my husband and I having little minions that run around in redskins gear, doing the "mangina" while making a wreath.  Yes, we will be brainwashing our future said children into loving the Redskins but the mangina is optional. Just ask my husband to explain that one..he likes to do it to his mother and grandmother. If you google image search mangina your welcome for a laugh or a scare. Most likely a little of both.  Off topic again. Typical.
So the Lap is set for next month and depending on results or any "repairs" we will be doing IVF in January. That was another question during my consult.  The big one. Prices. We all know this crap shit ain't free. I have known for a year now that IVF was always a factor that would most likely be our only solution. Everyone was always so positive and full of answers about how Clomid usually works after a few months. Then there was the femera might be better for you try. Followed by a burning HSG pep talk to fuel the hopeful fire. And of course the four paid medicated IUIs that resulted in four big, fat, giant, Loserville's sorry about your luck NO.  I do not regret the IUIs so that would be considered a plus seeing that we could have a few thousand dollars saved for IVF at this point.  I think four was a good shot.  I would regret anything over four and feel unsatisfied at anything under.  My heart and hopes have been crushed enough throughout this past year that my mind has already been made up about my private parts. They frankly suck. And not popsicles.  It's time to move this pity train on.

Even with all that said, somehow and someway I still have a tiny flicker of hope inside that we may pull a Hail Mary in the 4th quarter to win by one.  One chubby, dimpled, bald headed toothless point that is. I will be starting acupuncture again along with herbal all natural supplements in October.  My husband will be home at the end of October/early November and we all know his counts are at a all time high.  Yuck.  It would be the perfect time for us to have a baby like normal fertile couples do.  Miracles do happen folks.  No one every thought the Back Street Boys would come back and look at them now. All matching outfits and slick dance moves.
Now depending on my Lap results IVF could be a go or could be a no go.  It took me a couple of days to recoup my mindset after that appointment.  Seeing 18,000 dollars on paper is enough to make you question how badly you want this.  Not going to lie. For a split second, I really envisioned me and my husband as Carl and Ellie floating away to South America via a balloon carried house. And quite frankly, that is never out of the question because it isn't up to just science and money.  I know there is a plan and purpose for us, whether that is as a two person family or three, and it will prevail in due time.  There was also mentions of a sketchy diabolical plan from an instagrammy friend to sell our un-needed organs on a black market to pay for said procedure. I am still considering that so if you know of anyone in need of a kidney let me know. I can hold my pee for a long time.  

I guess that option is out too...damn you birthdays.

On the bright side our shitty lame Tricare military insurance covers our drugs for IVF. So a loan to the tune of 13,000 dollars is what we will be looking at. One fresh cycle. One shot. One leap of faith. Any family members can win the lottery at any point in time. I will be here waiting.  Impatiently. 

And its not about the money...well technically it is.  The stress on our marriage, lifestyle, and future once we are able to be blessed with a child hangs in the balance of said money.  And this is the case for millions of other women.  The amount of stress and heartache is 100 times greater when you simply are paying out of pocket for infertility. We hope we only have to give it one try.  As we all know, that is not a guarantee multiple that number by 1000 if you are onto your 2nd or 3rd or even 4th try.  You cannot put a price tag on a child but apparently you can put a price tag on what it takes to try to have one.  Thank you insurance companies for your much needed medical support.  I forgot to tell my reproductive organs to work the correct way when I was growing up.  I can only say I am thankful that I do not have to pay for the drugs I will be introducing to my body for weeks.  I would be a bitter asshole about that one.  Especially with the known side effects.  "I am paying for this!!?" So let me be clear, I am heartbroken and so sorry if you have absolutely no coverage at all.  Please forgive me and my feel sorry for myself rant, when I at least get to buy the cow but get the milk free.  Still bitter for all of us.

Now for my favorite part of this post. Fall. As I sit here with my owl mug and green tea in hand I am more than anxious for this season to be upon us.  Yes I love summer.  But I love fall even more. I had said before that I was a tomboy and not into fashion or style.  I guess I can eat my words because that was a lie.  When it comes to fall, I love nothing more than some tall leather boots, warm leggings, and over-sized sweaters. So without boring you with more words, I put into pictures some of my favorite things that describe what fall is to me. 

Thank you George whoever you are.

 Boots on boots on boots...followed with leg warmers and comfy clothes.

Witchy movies, TWD, seasonal beverages, bonfires and front porch love.

 Crabcakes and football thats what Maryland does.

 Minion and pumpkins I just can't resist.

Last but most certainly not number one reason why Fall simply rocks more than before. And please for the love of us military wives block me on all social media accounts before you complain about spending five boring minutes with your dumb boring husband. I believe you married the guy. We would give our left pinky(right if your left handed) to spend just one of those minutes back with ours.  Just as seeing constant baby bumps, preggers complain about being preggers, bad parenting or overflows of newborns (not that any of those bother me except the complainers) seeing you share with the world how bored you are or how much your husband sucks royally chaps my you know what. And please by all means complain away. Just block me out of respect of the fact that its been five months since I or others have even hugged ours or months before I can relax knowing he is safe off doing dumb shit with his dumb boyfriends while the garbage needs emptied.

I'll be here waiting big deal.

David we almost made it.......bliss.

1 comment:

  1. OMG!I think I love you! Not to sound like a creeper, but I totally needed to find your blog tonight. It's been a long and hard year with TTC (no sucess) and I really needed a, thank you! I've been with my husband for a total of 10 years; we've been married for almost 4 of those amazing years, and today we celebrate his 33rd bday..well sort of. At this point, we thought we'd have kids, so every milestone f-ing hurts! I've been down all day, and reading your post has brought a much needed smile to my face! Plus, the minion pumpkins are pretty amazeballs!