Sunday, August 25, 2013

Patience Is Not My Virtue

October can not come fast enough.  You would think I would be the girl that has acquired the ability to wait patiently after everything that has gone on over the past five years.  But no.  I am still the same impatient, lead footed, speed walking, trying to talk on the phone while texting and looking up a recipe on Pinterest girl.

TIME. That is one monster that I will never learn to tackle with grace.  Lets be honest no one is beating time. Unless you have a good plastic surgeon...............
Apparently she didn't. Or is this a he....and now I'm confused.

........ or you are skilled in the arts of witchcraft like Bianca Lawson who not only plays a very young dead teenage witch on The Vampire Diaries, as Emily,....but also played a 16 year old on PrettyLittleLiars.

She's 34 folks.  My money is going with real life witch on this one. Sorry Bianca. Or is it Griselda?

But then we have my husbands my favorites who definitely have a few tricks up their non-aging time stopping sleeves......

Oh hey look at me, Eva Mendes, blowing a perfect kiss with my perfect 39 year old face and body. And I am about to marry Ryan Gosling....what a travesty.

..........................................and do I really need to even say anything about Miss Berry. She turned 47 this month and I'm pretty sure she has looked the same since she took Mrs. Ohio in 1986. Minus the hair. PTL.

And then there is my all time favorite 44 year old All American bad ass Jennifer Anniston.  

ummmm......wait a minute...why is she standing in a wheat field??....I'm pretty sure those shorts are made out of cotton.  Get it together girl friend.  
We don't want Justin Theroux to be another Brangelina episode.  I felt sad for her for a whole year and hated Angelina up until the whole mastectomy thing went down this past year!  Geez, talk about cancer sympathy to make me feel horrible and make amends for Angelina stealing her man.

Side note.  Screw cancer.  Its been royally pissing me off for years since it took my granny and since been causing unwanted visits to very special and truly loving people in my family and my friends lives. A cure would be swell at any point in TIME. End note.

I am not saying that looks are everything.   I am just questioning if there is an undisclosed source of TIME hidden somewhere in the greater continental US that these ladies are accessing for a fee paid in small unmarked bills.  I  believe that everyone has to be comfortable in their own skin wrinkly or not.  Overweight or toothpick.  I feel pretty dang comfortable at almost 33(minus the constant ticking coming from my lower abdomen) with myself but Halle Barry at 50....girlfriend is setting the bar a littleeee too high for my husband to be expecting me to look that good in 20 years.  Not going to happen D.  Unless we hit the mega millions and I pull a Demi Moore.  No. Not even then.  I would use that money for infertility babies all over the world and keep my wrinkly old saggy ass....well saggy. Good genes or a skillful surgeon?  Whatever the answer is, more power to them.  But really ladies, if you have coordinates to this TIME capsule I'm pretty good at Geocaching. Not, really...but it sounds cool. I am too lazy for that. 

I can honestly say the past five months have gone by pretty fast considering.  I would thank my uterus and ovaries for keeping me busy but I currently still hate them.  Speaking of Laprascopy is set for September 5th. Another time I am so impatiently waiting on.  I can't wait for my RE to cut into me and go on a scavenger hunt for answers.  No really. I am excited. Except for my recurring dream  nightmare of being awake but unable to move and seeing him preform the whole surgery and hearing him say my tubes are tied in knots..those are fun. So yes this week can hurry up and get to steppin' right along with the rest of September.  Did I mention I miss my husband? The next months blog posts are where I will try not to annoy you with too many of those. I know we get the point already Rachel.

While I am mentioning having patience and wanting time to hurry up so my husband will be back sooner I have another wrench to throw into the mix.  We are moving to MO. Fort Leonard Wood that is.  Middle of nowhere.  I will blog more about that news another day.  We just found out...actually my husband emailed me the news..there may have been a What the.....letter after E.

What does that mean for our IVF plans, our house, our cars since we need 4wd and my job(s).  Another post.  We are taking the good with the bad.  You have to be super flexible if you are married to someone in the military.

This is me 95% of the time.

Minus the bent toes....Everyone knows you gotta keep those pointed. #amateur.

A tip for my young military wives; not that I am wise and old in my great 32 years of life but 25 years(army brat) of military life has an effect on ones perspective.  One thing is for sure, if you don't learn to be flexible by duty station one, you are in for a long, torturous, miserable ride.  Hurry up and wait...that's your life now.  Take it or leave it...and since your husbands can't "leave it" that includes you too.  Unless you spend too many nights out at the club spending all your husbands deployment money on booze and taxis. (IUIs and Jimmy Johns over here!) Then your're the one that will be "leave it".  Its not that hard to pick up a hobby like quilting or reading a book and keeping your vagina closed.  But that's a lost cause that falls on whorish deaf ears so lets move on. I'm bitter because I have lost too many friends over the years because they were not the "quilting" types. 

One day at a time...expect the your spouse without complaint and don't forget to stretch.  In the meantime if you find that secret fountain while you're globe trotting across the world shoot me an email, I have a birthday coming up on Pearl Harbor Day and 18 year old ovaries sound fabulous again. Thanks.

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