Thursday, October 9, 2014

Kids Are Assholes. Duh.

Oh hey it's me again. Your unfaithful blogger. Sorry I've been cheating on you with life lately aka pretending to be Martha Stewart while people here locally in misery try to have me make them shit for free practically. Anyways that's a whole new post that I would rather save you from.

Really though, I'm not used to this thing called a husband being around without counting down our days until a deployment or homecoming and it's been fucking awesome. I am thankful for many things in my life even though this tiny corner of my world is placed on a giant pedestal for the world to stand back and judge and form an opinion about me from out of context.  

You see. This corner is but a tiny snippet of the film that is my life. I talk, vent, and share because I know I am not the only person feeling like a bull in a china shop when I complain about infertility costs, our own disfunctional bodies, hearing woman complain about pregnancy, kids and their husbands.  Let's not forget to mention the always encouraging "you just wait" statement

We all know kids are assholes. Hell babies are assholes too. Tell me something we don't know. Crying and pooping and waking you up every few hours when you just got to sleep. Hello fuckhole it's a baby!!!! Quit bitching about sleep or lack there of to the world because you only look like huge giant pale white assface. I just made that word up for you. You're welcome. No one wants to read about the obvious common sense that comes along with the privilege of being a parent.  And I don't even follow your blog or blogs like yours. But I have friends that do just for entertainment purposes and they occasionally send me texts of the links that I would find most fucktardish. So that's that.  The few people commenting or reading your insanely stupid posts need to quit patrionizing and lying to you. Or they need help as well. Jury is still out. I do know that you, yes you, should never blog ever. Again. That's for. ever. (Read very slowly so it sinks in) f o r e v e r. 

Then there's the moms that know everything about nothing and judge you because you are mixing up formula instead of popping out a tit. Why can't people just mind their own fucking business. Keep it simple. Is the child being fed? Is he or she clothed and loved? If the mother isn't walking the corner looking for a crack rock with baby in tow then who are you? The breast milk police? I swear people have too much time on their damn hands. I dare someone say something to me if I am not able to breast feed. Double. Fucking. Dare. #pipethefuckdown

Point is just because we are infertile it doesn't mean we don't know how much of a pain in the ass babies and kids are. Infertility doesn't discriminate against women who know nothing about babies or children.  Many of us are siblings, teachers, nannies, social workers, aunts, and step parents to name a few. You telling me, "just wait and see" doesn't make me want to become pregnant any less. It actually just makes you look like an asshole. I've waited a long time and because you can't control a three year old in the toy section of Walmart, it is actually hilarious to me. I look forward to that day and many like it. 

All of the years of waiting, the heartbreak, the dr appointments, the probing, the medications, the shots, the money, the surgeries, the idiot comments. All are worth those days.  

So don't think by you telling me to "just wait until you have kids", is making me want one any less. It actually makes me want one more. Call it perspective I guess. Like when my husband leaves his wet towel on the floor instead of in the hamper in the same room; I don't go out shouting to single girlfriends "you just wait" or log into stupid Facebook to post a status about it. In life there are people who learn that these little things mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. I'm thankful my husband is alive unlike some close friends who have lost theirs. Their strength to keep going day by day gives me inspiration and strength to overcome this tiny corner of my world. I am so thankful to have them in my life. I may never be able to have children. We all know IVF is a 40% chance, but I am still alive and I still have my husband by my side. 

Until we overcome this tiny part of our life I will continue to look forward to the day that my kid(s) are losing their shit in a Walmart toy department smiling, thinking about all the "you just wait" comments pinching myself while mumbling "Is this real life?" 

-dedicated to the stay at home thankless moms, the working moms who have to leave their precious babies, the formula feeders, the breast feeders, the single moms and dads, the cloth diapered and pampers moms, the women who will never be bio mothers, the adoptive moms, the moms who just stay the hell out of other moms business unless a child is being neglected or abused. Thank you.

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