Friday, June 6, 2014

Missouri Bound To DITY Or Not To DITY

Anything I say can and will be taken too seriously..........if you have a stick up your anus of course. 

We recently moved over 1000 miles across the country to the middle of nowhere, driving through the Hills Have Eyes, meets Wrong Turn, meets "it puts the lotion on its skin".

Whoa whoa take it easy with the compliments I know.

We also just got our internet turned back on! Correction still waiting because our sketchy new place has no phone lines(but really I'm blogging on my huge iPhone). But let's not get into the details of our upscale townhouse just yet. 

Regardless I aim to please. 
....annddd maybe a few others still trailing along with my nonsense. 

Let me sum up our trip from NC to Missouri with a snapshot of thoughts that blazed across my giant dome as I tried not to lose a kidney or become a table lamp along the way.  

All while following my husband driving a 26 foot Uhaul towing a Yukon.  

<Rant>UHAUL: is awesome. <End Rant>

Regardless the show must go on so we were on our aggravated, over stressed, way over our heads merry little way. I was one Paula Dean recipe away from flat lining on the highway. 
Back to the trip from NC to central Missouri this is how it went for the most part.

3pm departure due to our lovely Uhaul debacle.

Goodbye house. Goodbye beach...Goodbye get the point...A few tears later I got over myself and started to get happy of the challenge Missouri and what lies ahead.

Another powerball billboard. 
I'd buy lottery tickets more if Jimmy Johns for life was a possibility. Or free IVF.

Truck drivers really need to be added to the list of underpaid people like teachers, our military, social workers and the Chuckie Cheese mascot. I would have killed at least ten people already. 

Wow this state is long.   

Are we there yet?

Onstar and Bluetooth audio. Life changing.

1am overnight stop in Knoxville

Are we ever getting off this mountain?


Alot of mullets and no horses. Where are the horses???
Oh look..nope. It's a goat.

Wow there is literally nothing.
Still boring.
Oh look a lovely game of prisoners playing baseball off the highway and why doesn't Tricare cover infertility procedures? Seems Legit. 
Why aren't all the prisoners in Antarctica. Playing a game of shovel your way to freedom.

Saint Louis. Why is the road detoured through downtown?? Whyyyyyy??
Super ghetto. 
Lock your doors.
Don't look at anyone. Keep moving. Oh shit a redlight. Mmm BBQ. Damn it missed my turn. Get me out of here. Omg get me out of here! Re-route onstar. REROUTE!! Yes I said re-route!....(cutting people off)....sigh of relief and back on the interstate and no one died.
Thank you Jesus.

Central MO. Welcome to the black hole of uncle dads and meth labs run by 7th grade drop outs. 
People wearing camis in public. Very Weird. Nice sleeves. 
This has got to be the capital of Dependas United. 
There is no Target. Enough said.
I'm never leaving my townhouse.

If you are moving from NC to MO now you know exactly what to expect. You're welcome.
I'm starting my own calling it 

But really. Calm your tits central Missourians.  Your state really is horrible. I mean. It's not that terrible compared to my Fallopian tubes and ovaries. 
Silver lining?
I'll get back to you on that one.

Years of IF and four deployments(dependa bragg) and I am still kicking it with a smile. More like a forced scowl at the moment. But same same. Good news is I haven't killed anyone yet and simply have to laugh. Even at myself.

With all that said I can see that there are many outdoor things to do in MO and others within a few hours drive. So lets make the most of it.  Besides what other choice really does one have(besides curling up in a ball every day downing bottles of Moscato while braiding my dogs hair). I like river tubing. I like food. Central MO has excellent surpluses of both so thats a start. Plus we have a few military family friends stationed in the middle of nowhere with us. Not to mention D and I have each other as gross as that seems.

The tornados well well well. Hello three story townhouse with a basement. No it's not that nice. It might have been built in the late 80s but that's debately. Good news is we an save a lot for IVF and  we already unloaded our whole material life possessions and made it a home within a few days.

Thank you ADHD. 

Would we do a DITY(The Do It Yourself) move again??? The most popular question so far. 

My answer. Turn down for what?

"But it's so much work", and driving that Uhaul towing an SUV was such a pain in the donkey.

If someone tells me I could make up to 5k with some hard labor, a lot of stress but not enough to kill a person, a husband who had to drive the Uhaul and tow then there is no doubt about it. Give me my coins.

You're talking to someone who is about to drop 15-20k on trying to have a kid. You see most people who do DITY moves buy a boat,  a car, pay off credit cards, buy boobs, go on a cruise with new boobs but fortunately for us we get to make a few embryos and place them inside me. 
Isn't science awesome though.  The fact that I get to experience IVF with our own eggs and sperm makes me thankful.  I know there are many other couples in which IVF isn't even an option.  So thank you science. 

So the answer will always be yes. Yes I will gladly box up all our own stuff, beg some friends to help load and unload the Uhaul and be a responsible adult and keep track of all our receipts during the move. 

I ended up splitting off from and driving ahead of my husband, whom could only go a stellar 60mph, once we entered MO.  I made it to FLW(Fort Leonard Wood) a few hours before him(lead foot) so I could look at many one place and sign a lease right away so we could move in as soon as my husband arrived. 

Due to the obnoxious amount of creepers online, polite emails and comments from people who live happy full lives and my complimentary summary of our drive, I won't be posting any outside pictures of our (sketchy) humble abode.  I like to live.

So we made it.  The packing and unpacking is finally over.

The next chapter for us regarding creating tiny humans has started. I requested a referral at my appointment this week to an RE but learned I had to request an OB referral and then request a referral to an RE from him or her. So hopefully after the game of referrals is over in a month or so I will have a new RE that will be doing our IVF. Speaking of which we did a t-shirt fund raiser online and raised 600 dollars which was new and nice to see the people around us support our cause. So thank you everyone who participated in that(the list was long but you know who you are)! I will post some pics of our shirts if they ever get forwarded to Missouri that in itself could be a miracle. 

Next post I will try to expand on the positives of living here in this beautiful place with hardly any tics, no rude people or dependas who just troll the internet and complain or cause drama about what they didn't get for fee or whose life is harder. 

I suggest investing in a titanic sized amount of tic repellent to start. Those things are not playing around.

Always remember....



  1. And if you're looking for doctors id steer clear of Mercy Hospital. They have great doctors but can't provide people like us the services we really need. Learned that from experience.

  2. FLW isn't far from the Lake of the Ozarks! The lake is always a good time.