Bye Fallopicia

I don't always go full infertile but when I do I start with kicking out my tubes. Byeeee. 

So it's the night before D day. Demolition day if you will. After tomorrow I can finally say to the peanuts that I will never be able to conceive after hearing for the thousandth time "well so and so tried for years then adopted twins from China and then miraculously got knocked up." Well sister friend it ain't happening ova here! Zero, zilch, nada, no, nope, uh uh, 0%, impossible.

So I left from my last post at my appointment in Columbia with my new RE who is awesome and will be doing our IVF; saying I was getting my tubes removed(laparoscopic salpingectomy). I don't need to explain why for the peanuts but just to share a few important reasons let's walk down that road. 

Reason number one. 

AMerica and freedom. Duh.

But really.....

My tubes are like the reality tv garbage of entertainment. Straight up trash. Little worthless attention whores with no talent. 

They are just down there hanging out not being a productive member of my reproductive society.  They are all like, "hey look at me over here catching all theses babies and having you to abort them because I suck and I am worthless!" Recurrent ectopic miscarriages is at an awesome 70% chance every time for me. So enough said.

Reason number two. 

Other than not ovulating on my own(tubes again most likely mixed with endo) I am heathy otherwise. Since we are shoveling out all this money for IVF we most definitly want to have the "healthiest" environment for IVF. So getting rid of these dusty and busted pipes with whatever else is inside or around them is a positive and leads my RE and OB to believe it is best. I do not need tubes for IVF anyways since the embryos are implanted into a womens uterus skipping over the fallopian highway.  

Reason number three. 

Cancer runs in our family and studies have been shown to decrease that risk with the removal of the Fallopian tubes. Hello. Who likes cancer anyways. 

Ok so number one was the biggest and only reason I needed. But hearing both doctors explain all of the above was reassuring. I really feel like my RE in Columbia and OB here at Fort Leonard Wood really care about us having a successful and healthy live birth. They are both understanding that it is not cheap and if cost wasn't an issue it would be 95% less stressful and much easier to get through. The doctors and nurses have been offering caring advice and consults and are working together to cut us some costs. Who doesn't love that? This IVF business isn't a guarantee.  You go home with a car once you take out the loan.  But just because we shuffle out 15k dollars doesn't mean we will be strapping a baby(ies) in a car seat nine months later.  Lets not even talk about having to pay for more than one cycle. 

Yea we already know it will be worth it.  

That is easy to say when you aren't the one writing that check waiting on your blood results to come back after seven years either. Bye.

So that is our biggest stress and it will be until oh let's say about 11 months from now. All we can do is hope and pray that our blessings are coming soon and stay positive while we wait or whatever it is those optimists say.

I am first of all completely in shock that it is happening so soon! Tomorrow!?? Wait what?

What happened inside my head.

I know!!! I called my OB(twice) but that's another story. I had to call back because a reshitshonist didn't have a clue about me telling her "I just needed to know if Dr. P(my local military OB) got Dr.C's(my RE in Columbia two hours away) email about cutting my tubes out and asking if he could do the surgery locally?" So after hanging up frustrated with her stupidity and for wanting me to wait a month for an appointment to ask a question I called back. 

Persistence ladies. Keep calm and always call back. 

So I called back. Talked to my nurse. And two days later(this past Friday)was sitting face to face with the Dr. P(did I mention who is awesome)asking me when I wanted to cut these jerks out.



Like. A. Boss. 

Hello. Can we do it now? It was 1pm on Friday so a surgery was out of the question. 

He said, "How about Monday?"

Shut up.

Really...shut up was my first response to the man with a PhD who was going to cut out my tubes. 

"Let me make six phone calls and I'll come right back."

So here I am. The phone calls obviously went well. I think I told him he was amazing about thirty six times before leaving his office and skipping off to pre op paperwork and then down to labs for some more blood donations and a little peeing in a cup action(I am a pro at both FYI after about a million of each I think we should get some type of ribbon for accuracy and or not flinching.  

I mean who gets excited for blood draws. Most of the time we dread them and are super anxious but this time was different.  When my number was called at the lab I hopped my ass up in that seat so fast dangling and kicking my little legs throwing my arm up on the chair rest smiling at the nervous 18 year old army kid like I was about to be given the Nobel Peace Prize.

I think I was on an endorphin high for a few hours following. I could have T boned a four star general that day after leaving the hospital on base.

What does all this tubal talk mean in the grand scheme of things? 

It's huge. 
If we are talking time. 

I was assuming I would have these shits cut out in September/October pushing IVF to February/March. 

Hello recovery 4-6 weeks then we can start IVF! Finally. Hopefully. Let's get through the surgery all in one piece. Especially my uterus and ovaries remaining intact then we can write about shots and meds and labs for IVF.  

I will try to update y'all this week with how everything went. Thanks for all the sweet comments and emails too!!

One. Step. Closer.