Hmmmm. Good news is I didn't forget my password to Blogger. Bad news is that after bleeding for 55 days straight(RIP to the hundreds of pads and tampons that were innocently murdered) I'm still waiting for AF. It's been two months and she's not showing her face. Not a cramp or bloat in sight. Before we get excited. I am not knocked up. I decided after our ectopic to end the years of fertility drugs to make me ovulate and take a break from every two weeks having my private parts poked, proded and stared at by another man. I will not go through another ectopic again. And so IVF is our only option. If you have been somehow following along since the beginning of this hot mess train then you know we are moving to FLW, Missouri by June. So IVF will be happening there. We are thinking end of summer or fall. But first lets get our house sold or rented and go from there. ((Enter big sigh of relief on June 1st)). So no active TTC has been going on. Actually D and I were reunited after 3 weeks just this week. While he was off playing Marine in another foreign country I was busy with a gender reveal for my baby sister(shes not a baby anymore but still *my baby sister), and a baby shower for my sister in law(but really she's more a sister). Gasping for air? The horror I know!!? Actually they were my top two fave moments thus far for 2014. And not because my year started out as shit. But because I love these gals and they are going to be super moms. And slightly because both had planned pregnancies and don't smoke crack. Winning. (If they do, they are pretty good at hiding it).
I believe that those two events buy me a pass for playing hooky online. Three if you count packing up my house alone and putting everything in the garage. Can we say free workout? I can always count on a good PCS move to help me loose that extra 15lbs I gained from infertility and an ectopic this year. I am married to a man who eats a bag of chips and abs spontaneously pop out. Talk about not standing on the beach next to that guy. Jerk. I love you. But your metabolism is still a jerk. Your a freak of nature.
Finally I'd like to make it clear why I started this blog. I am not here to impress, blow up my ego, gain millions of followers or give worldly sound advice. I am simply here to speak my infertile mind. I don't hold back. I don't sugar coat. I don't shoot rainbows up your vagina and make you feel warm and fuzzy like boot socks and tights with a warm cup of cocoa in wintertime. I don't win blogging awards or use advertisements. I'm more of the summer thunderstorm that pops out of nowhere to ruin your day at the beach or make you laugh. You can either wait it out or pack up and leave. It's not that big of a deal. I am here to relate to infertile women in my shoes who feel the same as me. I say shit and fuck. More than I should. Sorry I hang out with Marines every weekend and it typically only comes out when I blog or tweet. Or drink. Which is pretty much every weekend. Thanks mom. 😑 Case in point. Twitter.
I am the black sheep of infertility. A lot of infertile women do not portray the absolute disaster that is my infertility front and center. But then again most of them are on to their 2nd or 3rd IVF baby already. Or don't have to shovel out $15000 + just to try. Lol not funny but so true. Damn it. There are IF bloggers who speak words of enspiring strength. Those are the blogs you should be reading. Anyone can say shit or drop F bombs followed by pictures of pregnant crack heads. Maybe I am the balance to the madness? Who knows. I just know I'm not going to change the way I feel or what I say to avoid stepping on someone's toes or fertile feelings.
If you are a mom blogger or just a fertile broad in general. I will most likely say something that you do not agree with and likely piss you off. And that's fine. Why are you following me anyways. Don't you have a hand made pair of moccasin shoes to make for your 5 children? 2+3 isn't 6 so instead of emailing or following me with displeasure please feel free to take it up with someone who cares. Or just keep on creeping on homegirl. I must be doing something half assed right if I still have your attention. I'm the car crash that you stare at as you drive by thinking thank god that isn't me. I do not dislike moms or babies. I DO dislike hearing in my social media circle how hard your pregnancy/parenting is. Very simple. Just like my infertility. I don't ever go on and on how hard this bullshit is day after day year after year on social media. So if that's what you do(you have every right as a full believer in freedom and as a Libertarian) just please don't do it around myself or anyone that may be going through infertility, for the hundreth time. Which you might not even know because many women keep it personal and quiet. Hence why you should just stop crying online to people who don't give two shits. But you go ahead and do you and I'll be over here sticking to Twitter and blogs like mine. (Instagram is on a break for me) it's starting to be the new passive aggressive Facebook now after three years. Can we just go back to before it was cool to have IG?? People just do not get it. Allegedly.
Until next rant or clarification. TGIF! And three cheers for this 80 degree NC weather!