Friday, April 11, 2014

The Black Sheep.

Well shit. I completely derailed my previous post about not taking 37 years for my next post. My most sincere sarcastic apologies. So let's get an update shall we? 

Hmmmm. Good news is I didn't forget my password to Blogger. Bad news is that after bleeding for 55 days straight(RIP to the hundreds of pads and tampons that were innocently murdered) I'm still waiting for AF. It's been two months and she's not showing her face. Not a cramp or bloat in sight. Before we get excited. I am not knocked up. I decided after our ectopic to end the years of fertility drugs to make me ovulate and take a break from every two weeks having my private parts poked, proded and stared at by another man. I will not go through another ectopic again. And so IVF is our only option. If you have been somehow following along since the beginning of this hot mess train then you know we are moving to FLW, Missouri by June. So IVF will be happening there. We are thinking end of summer or fall. But first lets get our house sold or rented and go from there. ((Enter big sigh of relief on June 1st)). So no active TTC has been going on. Actually D and I were reunited after 3 weeks just this week.  While he was off playing Marine in another foreign country I was busy with a gender reveal for my baby sister(shes not a baby anymore but still *my baby sister), and a baby shower for my sister in law(but really she's more a sister). Gasping for air? The horror I know!!? Actually they were my top two fave moments thus far for 2014. And not because my year started out as shit. But because I love these gals and they are going to be super moms.  And slightly because both had planned pregnancies and don't smoke crack. Winning. (If they do, they are pretty good at hiding it).

              
              

Sorry my pics are jacked up. I'll fix them later. I'm blogging from my iPad due to tech issues with my laptop. Aka. It's a POS. But not a top priority POS at this moment. But I put together the dessert table for my sister in law and managed to make her cake and have it arrive in one piece. I didn't make my sister the bee reveal cake(hello I like surprises too) but I did do the diaper cake. So if you didn't know. Now you do. I like crafting. Sewing and painting. And making cakes. The chevron glitter epidemic was a first and last though. And the tutu table skirt well yea that was a beautiful but horrible idea. I do have an etsy. Which I won't share here cause that's not what this blog is about. But I also make wreaths. You can say Martha Stewart sans jail time is my idol. Moving on.....

believe that those two events buy me a pass for playing hooky online. Three if you count packing up my house alone and putting everything in the garage. Can we say free workout? I can always count on a good PCS move to help me loose that extra 15lbs I gained from infertility and an ectopic this year. I am married to a man who eats a bag of chips and abs spontaneously pop out. Talk about not standing on the beach next to that guy. Jerk. I love you. But your metabolism is still a jerk. Your a freak of nature. 




Finally I'd like to make it clear why I started this blog. I am not here to impress, blow up my ego, gain millions of followers or give worldly sound advice. I am simply here to speak my infertile mind. I don't hold back. I don't sugar coat. I don't shoot rainbows up your vagina and make you feel warm and fuzzy like boot socks and tights with a warm cup of cocoa in wintertime. I don't win blogging awards or use advertisements.  I'm more of the summer thunderstorm that pops out of nowhere to ruin your day at the beach or make you laugh.  You can either wait it out or pack up and leave. It's not that big of a deal. I am here to relate to infertile women in my shoes who feel the same as me. I say shit and fuck. More than I should. Sorry I hang out with Marines every weekend and it typically only comes out when I blog or tweet. Or drink. Which is pretty much every weekend. Thanks mom. 😑 Case in point. Twitter.


I am the black sheep of infertility. A lot of infertile women do not portray the absolute disaster that is my infertility front and center.  But then again most of them are on to their 2nd or 3rd IVF baby already. Or don't have to shovel out $15000 + just to try.  Lol not funny but so true. Damn it.  There are IF bloggers who speak words of enspiring strength. Those are the blogs you should be reading. Anyone can say shit or drop F bombs followed by pictures of pregnant crack heads. Maybe I am the balance to the madness? Who knows. I just know I'm not going to change the way I feel or what I say to avoid stepping on someone's toes or fertile feelings. 



 If you are a mom blogger or just a fertile broad in general. I will most likely say something that you do not agree with and likely piss you off. And that's fine. Why are you following me anyways. Don't you have a hand made pair of moccasin shoes to make for your 5 children? 2+3 isn't 6 so instead of emailing or following me with displeasure please feel free to take it up with someone who cares. Or just keep on creeping on homegirl. I must be doing something half assed right if I still have your attention.  I'm the car crash that you stare at as you drive by thinking thank god that isn't me.  I do not dislike moms or babies. I DO dislike hearing in my social media circle how hard your pregnancy/parenting is. Very simple. Just like my infertility. I don't ever go on and on how hard this bullshit is day after day year after year on social media. So if that's what you do(you have every right as a full believer in freedom and as a Libertarian) just please don't do it around myself or anyone that may be going through infertility, for the hundreth time. Which you might not even know because many women keep it personal and quiet. Hence why you should just stop crying online to people who don't give two shits. But you go ahead and do you and I'll be over here sticking to Twitter and blogs like mine. (Instagram is on a break for me) it's starting to be the new passive aggressive Facebook now after three years. Can we just go back to before it was cool to have IG?? People just do not get it. Allegedly. 

Until next rant or clarification. TGIF! And three cheers for this 80 degree NC weather! 


11 comments:

  1. @ why you write the blog - and that's why it's so freaking cool reading it!!! Don't dare changing. ;) I throw up at words of inspiration, I look through the blogs to find the truth. :)

    Good luck with the move, and happy you have your Marine back home. :)

    Kas

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  2. I've missed reading your blogs. Yours was one of the first I stumbled upon and it's one of my favs bc of how real it is. I love your honesty and dammit it's okay to curse and drink. I still love you for it and am guilty of the same shit. I'm glad you're back on here. I think of you often and can't wait for your IVF journey to be underway!! Miss you on IG but I completely understand. I'm so anti FB and I loved how it was just not even close to fb in the beginning. But now that it is getting there I'm not a fan and I miss how it was when I discovered you all a year ago. But I'm thankful for having found you because it changed me and helped me tremendously for the better. You are part of that transformation, so thank you for that. You will make such an amazing mom and I hope that day is coming real soon once you get started again! xoxo <3

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    1. Blushing! Thanks. I feel the same about you being an amazing mama jammer as well!! Hopefully soon for us both!!!

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  3. Love it!! Candy Asses be damned!!! Thank you and good luck with the move!!

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    1. Right?!!! Lol damn candy asses!! Thank you. Three weeks! Ekkkk

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  4. You always say this shit I'm thinking, and I just love it. So thanks for that! I also 120% agree with your point about people on social media who complain about swollen feet, morning sickness, etc... I don't broadcast the uncomfortable aspect of the 1 million+ times that I've had an ultrasound wand shoved up my lady parts, or the number of lab techs that DON'T know how to draw blood, even though it's their JOB! You get it, I could go on forever...

    Thanks for keeping it real. Good luck with the move!

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    1. I'm here for you. I know there are tons of women out there thinking the same. If only we could live in a tiny subdivision all together. With our broken lady parts. #americandream. Thanks for the luck!!

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  5. THANK GOD for a RACHEL POST!! I love how sarcastic, mouthy, witty, funny, serious and honest you are. Even though this crap us IF girls go through...you seem to lighten it up (quite a bit) and bring a little sense of humor to the otherwise cloudy days. Okay - hell is raining from the sky. Better? I like that you cuss like a pro too. I didn't even know what the 'F' word was until I met and married my husband too. I thought if you used the 'F' word once in sentence you would go straight to hell. Nope. We use the 'F' word like 'Please' and 'Thank You' in our house! Dammit, Marine. ;) I hope you are ready for the Midwest life too when you get here. The perks of living in Missouri is you can pretty much walk around wielding rifles at all times of the day if you feel like it, fuel is cheap and so is real estate. You may have hit the jackpot!

    I agree with the IG thing too. Facebook sucks, Twitter confuses me (personally) and IG is making an upswing to be the next big thing. Wuptee Doo.

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    1. You live in MO? Not to be all creeper. But that's a plus knowing I'm not one and a million on an army base where the cool thing to do is reproduce and troll the internet. If you do live/stationed on FLW. A)we prob should meet up and B) give me the low down on where the ghettos are in and around waynesville and st robert. Not that I care at this point paying for IVF

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    2. Sorry got cutoff. But yea. Thanks for the support and I'm gma you enjoy my craziness!!

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