Thursday, May 23, 2013

One Step At A Time!

This was taken yesterday around 4:30 when I got home from work. That morning it was negative. So it's safe to assume that I ovulated last night or I am going to within the next 24 hours. I love seeing that little smiley face. Then again at the end of a BFN 2ww I could knock that dang smiley faces' teeth out. 

Somehow we always find a way to pick up the pieces and gain some new found hope.  A new symptom, a bigger follicle, a well timed cycle, postive OPKs, whatever the reason may be, I always end up creating a bubble of hope. Even if it gets popped month after month, year after year. 

So I am sitting outside my REs office as I just finished getting my vaginal U/S a few moments ago. Oh the perks of technology. To be able to blog on the fly with a double tap of an app on your iPhone. Lets give it up to technology. I think we take it for granted at times. But I am getting off topic. 

So here I am. It just finished pouring the rain and the sun has come out with more lingering dark clouds behind me. Side note: The McDonalds I chose for such a healthy quick lunch is starting to gag me. So I will finish this story inside since the thunder is rolling in now as I type.

Where were we? Yes. My vaginal U/S date. Well. Lets just say, I got to decide whether to pull the plug on this IUI cycle or not. My follicles were not as promising as before. But I will ask Dr. H again when I go in for my IUI what he likes to see. Usually they are between 18-27mm. This time a few were under 10mm, one was 12mm and a giant 30mm! I got the impression that 30mm was too big of a whopper. Again I will ask in about 45 minutes. I had one follicle that had already collapsed(ovulated) from what he said it looks like; probably in the past 4 hours. With that said. He wasn't really sure whether to go ahead and proceed this month with the IUI or wait until next month. I think he was fishing for an answer. 

I told him that if there was a snowballs chance in hell. I would like to be that snowball. Not that I would ever want to go to hell. But that's the only scenario I could convey at the time.

 He chuckled and said "Well that's that, see you an hour!"

I mean who wants to wait ANOTHER month just to ovulate. Not this girl. I would rather pay the money and take the chance that I may have ovulated already or I may not ovulate. We are already just taking "chances" every cycle anyways!

Well my time here is almost up. Hopefully they have the sperm thawed and "washed" and ready to go.  I will continue later. Fingers crossed!!

So now I lay here for 15 minutes  with my lucky socks(thanks Miss Ricci) and hope when I stand up I didn't just waste 400 dollars. & I know you are are loving this play by play insemination! 

So my cervix was "being difficult" of course, this time. It took five minutes to get the catheter tube inserted. Good times. Hopefully, I won't pay for that later in the form of cramping. Of course it will be all worth it if these sperm and eggs do their jobs. 

Time to travel back home. More later.

Finally made it home, quickly changed into the usually sexy sweats and oversized USMC moto t-shirt that I could find that was clean. Or rather that I haven't worn for more than 2 days in a row. Judge away minions.

As I was driving home I had time to question what Dr. H thinks about me and my non filtered mouth.  This is some of the things I laid upon him right before, during and after he was inserting a tube into my motherland.

My cervix was "being difficult" he exclaimed as it took him 5-8 minutes longer than the last time, just to get in the right place. Stupid hag.  This only left me and my big mouth time to make conversation while a man with a PHD and a flashlight was staring down the walls of my cervix.  During this time he was telling me about the sperm and how sometimes they go off course if you will and do not make it to the egg. Maybe this is what happened last time, or maybe not.  If I could have a conversation with the sperm I would sure like to tell them, "YOU HAVE ONE JOB!" This is also when I told him that "they had a free ride on a path that had just been snowplowed(HSG last week) so they needed to get their act together and stop being such bums."

I had to add in that "he should at least buy me dinner next time because this procedure was not the wam-bam-thank-you mam like the last."  I think the nurse was crying at this point from my sarcastic humor. I am here for you nurse D. Here for you.

Dr. H seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed it as well.  When he finished ravaging me getting the sperm to its home, I went on to explain that if this cycle is successful, how awkward it is going to be at my husbands homecoming. I began to tell him the signs I had prepared mentally in my head.

"Welcome home, donor baby daddy!"
"Deployed for 7 months, 5 months pregnant. You do the math!"
"My Dr. knocked me up, what's your excuse?"
"Copperfield has nothing on me!" (huge arrow pointing at belly)

He liked the "Dr." one the best of course. So all I can say is at least I made his day today. He was a busy little bee himself. I think he did 5 IUIs all in the time I was there and an IVF procedure. Lord knows what happened before 11am and after 3pm when I finally left the building.

I also thought on my way home after I spoke with my sister.  I wonder on average how many vaginas he looks at everyday?  I wonder if he thinks "ewww......or thank goodness we got a nice one." I mean seriously, he is a man that is married to a woman so how does he block that out?  I can't even block it out for crying out loud. Neither could my sister apparently. Or maybe we are both from the same freaky gene pool that randomly thinks the weirdest and most awkward things.  Please comment below if you have thought about this just to tickle my fancy.  Probably not a conversation I should bring up to him but then again my batting average for normal conversation and comments are low.

So anyways, here we go again. After asking him a normal question about what he likes to see in follicle size. He said the 30mm was much bigger than he liked to see.  The 12mm was too small to even ovulate yet and he is hoping that the collapsed follicle happened within the past 12 hours.  In hopes that it was still hanging out waiting for the sperm. 

With all that said, I can honestly say this cycle is a toss up.  There were 6 million sperm in that little syringe and we only need one but I think the problem truly lies within my eggs, or lack there of. I can only take a deep breath and be thankful my Dr. left the decision up to me to go ahead and proceed so I am not sitting here waiting another month just to ovulate. Aint' nobody got time for that!

So now begins another two weeks of torture. No testing this time. I swear. I am not buying any more tests and all my cheap internet ones are gone. Final answer. One step at a time folks.


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